So Darth Vader pissed me off to the point that I don't think I can deal with her anymore. She always makes comments about my daughter like "I got empty nest syndrome in my 40's and wanted another baby. Then I see you and I am so glad I didn't!" Um, fuck you bitch. I don't complain about my daughter, fuck... I don't even TALK about my daughter to her! She overheard me telling a girl at work about how my daughter is going to be screened for autism (that's a whole other story with a lot more pissed off emotions there) and a sensory disorder. So she says "My friend has a son with autism, and he's like your daughter. I just can't stand him, he's a wild brat that doesn't listen." I wanted to bounce her face off the table until it was the consistency of applesauce. When she first overheard her first reaction was "What's wrong with your daughter?" Fucking NOTHING. Not a thing is "wrong" with my child, or any child, for that matter.
Last night took the cake. So a resident was setting his alarm off every 5 minutes for at LEAST 45 minutes. I answered it every time while she sat on her ass and did her fucking crosswords and coughed without covering her mouth and chewing on her pen like there was the nectar of the fucking GODS on the cap. I was at the end of my rope, and when it went off again, I said "Can you please get that, I am at the end of my rope with that guy." This is what we are supposed to do at work if we are overwhelmed or "burned out", ask someone else to help you out before you do/say something you regret. Anyway, she goes and deals with that, and on her way to sitting her ass back down she says "Jeeze, how do you deal with your kids?" Fuck. You. How? I have someone WHO FUCKING HELPS ME you dumb bitch! I tell her they aren't setting alarms off every 5 minutes and she replies "Oh no? They just fight all the time" WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH. Never once have I ever uttered to a single person that they fight all the time. I say they bicker every now and then, but get over it quickly and generally are great together. They call each other "best friend" for fuck's sake. Snippily, biting my tongue, I tell her so (with 100% less vulgarity). That shut her up.
To go into more detail about the screening thing. At the advice of a friend, I brought my daughter to the doctor over a year ago because of suspected sensory problems. The doctor agreed and sent a referral into Marshfield for my daughter to be seen by a specialist. I was never able to bring her due to my work schedule and the fact that not only am I poor, but I am a single mom. Not a 50% custody, kid is gone every other (or every) weekend and holiday single mom. I have 100% custody and placement of my child, I am SOLELY responsible for her. I don't have anyone to help me out with this. So, lately she is struggling again. Biting herself repeatedly (not just when she's frustrated or angry) and has broken skin. While at the doctor's office, she also suggested she be screened for autism due to behaviors she witnessed and after asking me certain questions. This is met with mixed (mainly negative) results. I did not go into the doctor and ask to have this done, this was a professional opinion. It runs in my family, I have a cousin with 2 sons who both have a form of autism. They are 2 very friendly outgoing boys. Never afraid to approach anyone and start up a conversation. The school I went to thought I was autistic as a child but my parents refused to get me tested for that. Other things I learned I had that my parents refused to treat during my school career: ADHD, Depression, near-sightedness (yep... they refused to buy me glasses until I got my license and legally can't drive without them). Hell, they almost refused to get me my prescription pain medications the day after I got my gall bladder removed and I'd gone over 10 hours since my last dose! Anyway, back on track. Nobody knows my child better than me. Other parents should understand that. And those without kids.... I hope you NEVER find that your child could maybe have something different about your child and have everyone treat you like you're a bad parent and don't know your own FUCKING child. Between her social problems (yes, she does have some. I would know. I've only been raising her ALONE for over 3 years.), the constant movements she does, her complete LACK of self-preservation, and many other things point towards this possibility. I don't hope she has it, I don't hope she doesn't have it. She will deal with whatever and we will move on with life one day at a time. Is it so fucking WRONG to want to know what is going on with your child? To make sure that she has every opportunity in the world to be the absolute best person she can be? To be able to deal with her issues the best way for both her and myself? Obviously no matter what she will eventually lead a life as an adult on her own, have a family, all that. But I want her to grow into the best person she can be. My parents ignored all the signs from me. They knew about me OD'ing on pain killers. They knew I was cutting myself. They knew I'd burn myself, bruise myself, do anything possible to physically harm myself. I was so depressed I wouldn't leave my room. I asked my dad to kill me numerous times (minus the one time he actually tried). What did they do? "Stop feeling sorry for yourself". If you don't understand anything, understand this: I WILL NOT BE MY FUCKING PARENTS. If I were to end up like that, I would instantly give her up for adoption because a child shouldn't be raised like that. My daughter is showing signs of things just not being alright with her. She has difficulty in some areas, she learns VERY differently. I'd like to be able to click with her to have her learn as much as possible, be as smart as possible, be the amazing person I know she is. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad parent, a bad person, or whatever else you think. People need to maybe start a conversation and not just assume things.
Well that's my rant. I needed that! Let me just say that not one bit of this is aimed at any specific person (minus where names are actually mentioned). I have the right to be angry, I have the right to vent, I'm NOT directing this at anyone. ANYONE. This is the only place I am able to vent my frustrations and get it out there. Allow me that.
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