A rare glimpse at my self-esteem

You can ask anyone: I absolutely hate myself. My Lovah and I even have made almost a game out of it, he names it, I say what I hate about it. BUT!! There are two things I take pride in knowing that I do exceptionally well: being a mother and being a caregiver at my job (CNA in a nursing home, for those of you not knowing). You've seen me defend the first, now you'll see me defend the latter. I'm just as passionate.

Here's the low-down of my job:

First off, the nurses and CNAs have a boss called the DON (Director of Nursing), and all of the department heads (Activities, Dietary, Business Office, etc.) have a new boss, the Administrator, who has been there a couple months and is starting to get a grip on things around the place (they suck). There are 3 shifts at the nursing home, AM PM and NOC (morning, afternoon, overnight; respectively). I work NOC. Apparently Days has been bitching about the following on NOCs: not getting up extra people during the week, not dressing people properly (forgetting socks, just throwing clothes on people), leaving them in dirty beds, getting residents dressed but not out of bed, etc. Basically we are not doing our jobs and it is a form of resident neglect and abuse, and they went straight to the administrator with it.

Fast-forward through my 2 nights off (which I had no phone because we're poor and couldn't afford  it), I go back to work to EVERYONE and their mother telling me I got written up for the above reasons. Umm... okay. No notes had been left for me, since my phone was disconnected, nothing. So, I am in a panic. I figure I will be talked to at the end of my shift, cuz by then it was Friday morning. Nope. No notes left still all weekend. I worked last night, nothing this morning. But, instead of being a CHILD about it, like other people are being, I went straight to the source and asked the girl who originally went to the administrator about it. She said that she never turned me in at all, that she told them I go above and beyond and do an excellent job and that nothing bad she said was about me. Which is good, cuz I had an entire speech prepared for if I was mentioned. She said not to worry, I wasn't mentioned (in a negative way) at all. PHEW! I worried for like a week!

I take pride in caring for my residents. I am known as "The Whisperer" with certain residents, being the only one who can deal with some of them. One guy has been sent to a behavioral place cuz he's so violent and angry and all that jazz. I have him laughing, talking, doing anything. I can get him washed up, in bed, and sleeping in the time it takes most people to get punched in the face by him. Another one is the same way, he has aphasia (you understand what is said to you, and you know EXACTLY what you want to say... but your brain mixes up the signals and you can't get it out.), and I had him laughing last night, I talked to him a bit and got him settled in bed just fine. That's why I believe it's my duty to work with Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia... I work so well with it. I also enjoy working with it. The only thing is I'm a mom, and I get piddly child support. I can't work full time, do school, and raise my child full time. Especially if she's going to need all these therapies. But if I did... her life, and my future children's lives, will be so much better. But she'd suffer until then. Ugh. I dunno.