So I am married now. Lovah is my hubby now and Lou is my stepdaughter! Everyone keeps asking me how married life is. Umm... no different? People always say "It's so different" and "Everything changes". I mean... my name and my marital status changed, nothing else did. Yeah, pretty presumptuous for only being married 2 weeks, but nothing is different and all those people who say I am "stupid" and this is "a mistake" (most of the people I know, shockingly enough) are just miserable and I refuse to listen to them. I mean, we already lived together, we already pooled our money together, we already considered ourselves a family of four, the only thing missing was the piece of paper and my name change. Oh, and this time I'll actually get to PLAN a pregnancy! Which should be something exciting/different, ha. I should also clarify, these nay-sayers about me being married... the reason they are saying that is because they view marriage in GENERAL as a mistake and something only stupid people do (these people are, in fact, married). This is not any sort of lack of support in my particular marriage, which is amazing. It's nice when you marry someone who ISN'T a total waste of human flesh. I'm glad Lovah got it right this time around and didn't marry the antichrist. Two weeks in and I haven't cheated on him? I have GOT to be doing better than Crazy already! Hell, the fact that I have NEVER cheated on anyone makes me the much, much, infinitely much better person.
So, in short, our little family unit is doing fabulous. The girls were already sisterly towards each other, now we just are able to call them stepsisters, and they love it! I'm excited for our first family photo session! I think it's funny when people can't tell if they are "real" sisters or not, then we tell them that they are one of each, and then they can't figure out who's is who's. Of course, The Goob looks like no one. She has times she looks like her dad, but she looks a LOT like my mom and my sisters. Plus, when she sleeps, she's a carbon copy of me at 3.
Speaking of Goob being 3, she's already going to be 4 in a month and a half!! I can't believe it! She has her 4-year-old kindergarten screening coming up in about a month. I have no idea when she decided to stop being a toddler, but I think I missed it! I've got the decorations for her party, it's going to be Hello Kitty. Oh my, I have to get her invitations ready! Ahh! I can't believe how quickly this is all being sprung on me. She's going to start gymnastics again at the end of the month, so that's exciting! I just have to order some leotards because the ones from last year are WAY too small on her. So, that's what's been going on since January. Not much.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Apparently I just don't love her enough
People are fucking batshit crazy over their babies these days. Spending hundreds of dollars on things like strollers, baby monitors, car seats, bottles, cribs, etc. This bothers me. I look up these products online often, and they basically are saying that you don't love your children unless you spend a house payment on all that crap. And if you can't afford it, then you are an even more irresponsible parent for bringing a child into the world without being rich. Sorry, we can't all make 6+ figures! I have been shunned for not doing hardly any of the SIDS preventing things you are supposed to do with babies. The Goob slept on her stomach with bumpers on her crib and a blankie. Why? Because no matter HOW I tried, she's a stomach-sleeper, just like her mom. I'd have to never sleep again to get her to sleep on her back, even as an infant she was always on her side or stomach, it's how she's hardwired. The bumpers? She always ended up with an arm or leg out of the crib, and I was afraid that she'd end up breaking or dislocating a limb. Plus, I believe SIDS is something that is unpreventable, either it's going to happen or it's not and there's nothing you can do about it and if you spend all of your baby's first couple years stressing over it you are not truly going to enjoy that time. And holy shit the baby monitors these days are absolutely so ridiculous it is just fucking stupid. Do you REALLY need a camera watching your baby? Are you going to look at the screen and go "Oh, they're hungry. I can tell, because they are holding up a sign!"? No. You're going to see a crying baby. The same as if you'd get off your ass and go see for yourself, the same thing you're going to see in the 30 seconds it takes you to go see that baby in person. And those sensors that tell you when the baby doesn't move? Fucking SERIOUSLY?! It has been proven that in MOST cases, SIDS is unpreventable. Even if you are there to actually witness that last breath, let alone the 20 seconds it takes for the alarm to go off, then the time it takes you to get to the baby and actually do something about it. By then, brain damage. SIDS is such a wide-reaching thing, it is no one thing that can kill your baby. Hell, Goob slept in bed with me for the first 3 months anyway, and then shared a room with me until she was 2. Not by choice, but that's another matter.
I've also been looking at car seats and strollers. Now, I don't believe in getting the cheapest of the cheap car seats, don't get me wrong there. Especially when you're like me and get the convertible ones. But over $400 and you're just fucking stupid. Unless that is something you can easily afford (no one I know is!), that is pointless. Especially when I don't really know many people who only have one car seat. The Goob has at LEAST four car seats between me (2), my parents (1), and her dad (1), and her dad's parents. At $400 a piece.... that's how much I spent on my CAR for fuck's sake! So that means I'd have to choose who she gets to be the safest with. Plus, say she survives the car crash. That doesn't guarantee her safety. Car could explode, car could be submerged, I could crash in the middle of a Wisconsin winter and she could slowly freeze to death. Or, she could be perfectly fine and I die because I'm poor and can't afford more than 2 grand for a car. Then she goes to her dad, who has even less money than I do. And she'd more than likely go to his parents who I wouldn't trust to watch a pet rock let alone my child. But, the best scenario is she'd end up with my parents and then she'd be brought up a Jehovah's Witness. Which won't ever happen if I am conscious of it. She's not going to be in a cult, because my children will not believe in the fairy tales from the bible.
The strollers, oh dear FUCK the strollers. You cannot possibly EVER justify spending hundreds on a stroller. I'm sorry but you're an idiot if you went outside your budget for a stroller. THEY HARDLY GET USED!!!!! Because once your kid is walking, and walking well, there is no reason to cart them around anymore unless there is an actual medical reason for it. They have legs, and they need to use them. You don't spend a year teaching them to walk so you can continue to have them not walk. I'm not busting my back because my kid is lazy. There is nothing in the world that will make me spend more on a stroller, unless that thing comes with a magic shield that shuts my kid up and keeps it happy THE ENTIRE TIME. They all have wheels, they all hold your child, and it's easier than carrying your ever-growing baby. There is no excuse I will accept for over-spending on a stroller. I just automatically think you're a total dupe that will throw money at anything bright and shiny.
So, basically, I am saying that the best way to keep my child safe is to keep myself safe, which I can't do if I am spending a week and a half of my paycheck on frivolities like that. Billions and billions of people survived without all this crap, and they will continue to survive. Darwin must be spinning in his GRAVE at this generation!
I've also been looking at car seats and strollers. Now, I don't believe in getting the cheapest of the cheap car seats, don't get me wrong there. Especially when you're like me and get the convertible ones. But over $400 and you're just fucking stupid. Unless that is something you can easily afford (no one I know is!), that is pointless. Especially when I don't really know many people who only have one car seat. The Goob has at LEAST four car seats between me (2), my parents (1), and her dad (1), and her dad's parents. At $400 a piece.... that's how much I spent on my CAR for fuck's sake! So that means I'd have to choose who she gets to be the safest with. Plus, say she survives the car crash. That doesn't guarantee her safety. Car could explode, car could be submerged, I could crash in the middle of a Wisconsin winter and she could slowly freeze to death. Or, she could be perfectly fine and I die because I'm poor and can't afford more than 2 grand for a car. Then she goes to her dad, who has even less money than I do. And she'd more than likely go to his parents who I wouldn't trust to watch a pet rock let alone my child. But, the best scenario is she'd end up with my parents and then she'd be brought up a Jehovah's Witness. Which won't ever happen if I am conscious of it. She's not going to be in a cult, because my children will not believe in the fairy tales from the bible.
The strollers, oh dear FUCK the strollers. You cannot possibly EVER justify spending hundreds on a stroller. I'm sorry but you're an idiot if you went outside your budget for a stroller. THEY HARDLY GET USED!!!!! Because once your kid is walking, and walking well, there is no reason to cart them around anymore unless there is an actual medical reason for it. They have legs, and they need to use them. You don't spend a year teaching them to walk so you can continue to have them not walk. I'm not busting my back because my kid is lazy. There is nothing in the world that will make me spend more on a stroller, unless that thing comes with a magic shield that shuts my kid up and keeps it happy THE ENTIRE TIME. They all have wheels, they all hold your child, and it's easier than carrying your ever-growing baby. There is no excuse I will accept for over-spending on a stroller. I just automatically think you're a total dupe that will throw money at anything bright and shiny.
So, basically, I am saying that the best way to keep my child safe is to keep myself safe, which I can't do if I am spending a week and a half of my paycheck on frivolities like that. Billions and billions of people survived without all this crap, and they will continue to survive. Darwin must be spinning in his GRAVE at this generation!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Book 1 of 100: "Inheritance" by Christopher Paolini
So I finished my first book! Yes, it's technically cheating because I started it last year. But it took me forever to read it, so I decided I need more motivation. I will hit my goal! So, about the book:
It's the fourth and final book of the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. The first three books are "Eragon", "Eldest", and "Brisingr". It's a fantasy book about dragons, elves, dwarves, all that usual stuff. I got into the books years ago when the third one came out, because it said there would only BE three books. Open up the third one to discover that there would actually be four. I hate waiting for books, I usually wait to read a series until the entire series has been written. I'm extremely impatient like that! All in all, I was glad to finish it so that I could move onto my next project.
Next book: "The Hunger Games Book One" by Suzanne Collins
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Resolutions and How I Almost Got Fired
So, I said I'd periodically update on my resolutions, plus I have some stuff to vent about, so here you go:
Quit Smoking: I'm doing pretty well, actually! I would have actually skipped a couple cigs yesterday, but due to the circumstances of the second part of my blog, I needed extras to deal with the stress. I haven't been smoking at home, and only smoked once on the three-hour drive when we had to go get Goob from her dad! Which is never happening again, if he can't bring her home all of the way next time, I am going to call the cops. My car can't make it that far and I can't miss work to go and get her. Fucking ridiculous!
Quit Drinking Pop: Not a single carbonated beverage has passed my lips this year! I have been drinking sweetened green tea instead! Yes, there is still sugar in it, but I can't do fake sugar because it's bad for my heart. Sugar really isn't bad for you anyway, unless you go completely overboard!
Eat Out Once a Month: Well, my birthday is at the end of the month (28th, it's a Saturday, I will get trashed!), so that is our once allowance of eating out this month. Sucks we have to wait until the last weekend of the month, but it's worth it! I'm already down 3 pounds!! IN FOUR DAYS!!!!
Read 100 Books: I finished the book I started last year, and I stated that I was going to count it, so I will be writing a blog about that tomorrow so I don't blog 3 times in one day!
So far, so good! Like I said, I've already started losing weight, so that's awesome! I'm not so bloated, either, from all the pop. It was ridiculous for a while there. Almost a 12-pack a day! Now, onto part two, how I almost got fired:
So, as everyone knows, Lovah and I are going to get married on Leap Day and we want to go to Ireland. Also, Goob has an appointment January 27th with her behavioral specialist, to follow up on her progress. Or, her complete and utter lack thereof. But, again, that's a blog for another day! So I had a girl pick up a day from me, she wanted the hours, so I can take her to that doctor. Apparently that's not okay. I have to switch days with someone. There is ONE person I could switch with. ONE. That also means that I need to switch in order to get the day after my wedding off, or I have to work. THE DAY AFTER I GET FUCKING MARRIED!!!! I almost had a heart attack. Seriously, my hands started going numb, I was so angry I was shaking and my heart raced. Then the office lady had the BALLS to tell me to "calm down" Calm down? FUCK YOU! You just told me I have to work THE DAY AFTER I FUCKING GET MARRIED you dumb fucking piece of shitting cunt fuck bitch ass! ALSO we have to move our vacation to Ireland to May instead of March. Which, not really too big of a deal. So, I talked to my administrator about it. He said that if I can't get someone to switch with me, that he'd see what he can do. I'm not working the day after my wedding and I HAVE to take Goob to the specialist. She's getting worse and we really need answers in order to move forward. So, hopefully things work out. I hate my job so much right now it hurts. Ugh.
Quit Smoking: I'm doing pretty well, actually! I would have actually skipped a couple cigs yesterday, but due to the circumstances of the second part of my blog, I needed extras to deal with the stress. I haven't been smoking at home, and only smoked once on the three-hour drive when we had to go get Goob from her dad! Which is never happening again, if he can't bring her home all of the way next time, I am going to call the cops. My car can't make it that far and I can't miss work to go and get her. Fucking ridiculous!
Quit Drinking Pop: Not a single carbonated beverage has passed my lips this year! I have been drinking sweetened green tea instead! Yes, there is still sugar in it, but I can't do fake sugar because it's bad for my heart. Sugar really isn't bad for you anyway, unless you go completely overboard!
Eat Out Once a Month: Well, my birthday is at the end of the month (28th, it's a Saturday, I will get trashed!), so that is our once allowance of eating out this month. Sucks we have to wait until the last weekend of the month, but it's worth it! I'm already down 3 pounds!! IN FOUR DAYS!!!!
Read 100 Books: I finished the book I started last year, and I stated that I was going to count it, so I will be writing a blog about that tomorrow so I don't blog 3 times in one day!
So far, so good! Like I said, I've already started losing weight, so that's awesome! I'm not so bloated, either, from all the pop. It was ridiculous for a while there. Almost a 12-pack a day! Now, onto part two, how I almost got fired:
So, as everyone knows, Lovah and I are going to get married on Leap Day and we want to go to Ireland. Also, Goob has an appointment January 27th with her behavioral specialist, to follow up on her progress. Or, her complete and utter lack thereof. But, again, that's a blog for another day! So I had a girl pick up a day from me, she wanted the hours, so I can take her to that doctor. Apparently that's not okay. I have to switch days with someone. There is ONE person I could switch with. ONE. That also means that I need to switch in order to get the day after my wedding off, or I have to work. THE DAY AFTER I GET FUCKING MARRIED!!!! I almost had a heart attack. Seriously, my hands started going numb, I was so angry I was shaking and my heart raced. Then the office lady had the BALLS to tell me to "calm down" Calm down? FUCK YOU! You just told me I have to work THE DAY AFTER I FUCKING GET MARRIED you dumb fucking piece of shitting cunt fuck bitch ass! ALSO we have to move our vacation to Ireland to May instead of March. Which, not really too big of a deal. So, I talked to my administrator about it. He said that if I can't get someone to switch with me, that he'd see what he can do. I'm not working the day after my wedding and I HAVE to take Goob to the specialist. She's getting worse and we really need answers in order to move forward. So, hopefully things work out. I hate my job so much right now it hurts. Ugh.
2011 is FINALLY done with!
I am stealing this from my future sister-in-law, Molly. Because she's WAY more awesome/creative/blog-savvy/good-looking than I am *wink* I am going to go through my 2011 month-by-month to look back at my mistakes, my good ideas, and everything between!
January
I had my quarter-life crisis. 25. 2.5. TWENTY-FIVE! I realized my twenties were half over and the time for doing stupid things was over. Well, mostly. Isabel and I were in our own apartment, I was single and LOVING it (seriously), life was good. I was working at my last nursing home job, and things were going.... well, I was showing up, working, and getting paid. That was about it. I was hated by all of my co-workers and every day was a desperate attempt to NOT just walk off the job and lose my license.
February
I got fired from my job and so began a series of events that would define my life forever. I wasn't even upset, it was a real turning point. Especially since they wrongfully terminated me, and I had no problem getting unemployment.
March
I started working at the same place as my Lovah, as a temp, and history was made! I'll always remember that the girl I was working with asked him for help, so he came over and helped. Then she took a break and said if I had any questions to ask him. Then I was naughty. I asked for help when I knew FULL well how to do it. I'm pretty damn sure that he also took way too long on purpose to help me. By the end of the day we made a date to meet up that night at the local bar, where I also met his parents! And we started on the path we're on now!
April
My relationship with my Lovah was growing at this point. We spent almost all of our spare time together! I also was realizing at this point that I couldn't afford my apartment anymore. Being jobless for a month hit me hard, and getting next to no child support made it worse, then also getting a huge pay cut when I did finally get a job was the final blow. So we made a decision.
May
I moved in with Lovah, and my Goob, my baby, my most favoritest person in the known and unknown universe turned 3. I got my current job at the nursing home, though it was night shift. Also, I started learning just how completely insane his ex is, which is completely insane. Not a sane cell in her crazy body.
June
This would be Loo's birthday month, and my future stepdaughter turned a wise 4. We started having fun with the kids, who really seemed to be bonding, and we started to really become a family!
July
My endo started causing problems again, and I made an appointment for Goob to see a behavioral specialist. This was met with a lot... a LOT of negativity. With the support of only my Lovah, I made a great decision to have her taken in. Then the excruciating wait for September began....
August
I was going through some stuff this month. I felt a lot of personal attacks on the way I raise my child from all ends. Between "wanting to drug my kid" and "being a terrible mom" and "being paranoid", I had just about had it. I felt fairly abandoned by everyone at this time, and it started a depression I'm still not quite out of yet. The one happy thing to happen all month was my Lovah asked me to marry him, and I said yes!
September
Goob got her appointment :D They started leaning more towards ADHD, but they wanted to be sure so they said to bring her back in four months. I found out a heart-breaking blow that my daughter is, mentally, about a year behind. Physically about 2 years ahead, though! She also started Head Start this month, and she was very excited to ride the school bus!
October
Halloween was a blast with the girls, and I found out this month that I got the day shift position at work! This was a very happy, exciting time for us. A light at the end of the tunnel, that things could, and would, get better!
November
I adopted Liadan this month! And then our family felt more complete :) I also had another bad case of bitchitis. Which happens when I hear people whine about their problems that aren't really problems. Which happens a LOT!
December
I finally got on day shift!!! I became a normal person!!! I worked four days and then completely fucked up my knee, also. Dislocated my kneecap and sprained it. It was one of the top ten most painful experiences of my life. PROBABLY number 5 or so I'd say. Maybe. Definitely top ten material, though. It brought tears to my eyes. But I didn't swear or scream or black out, so probably the back half of the top ten. I digress. We spent our first Christmas together as a family, and the girls had tons of fun! We wrapped up the year on a high note. Minus both of us hurting ourselves at work. So like a middle note. But still good, though!
January
I had my quarter-life crisis. 25. 2.5. TWENTY-FIVE! I realized my twenties were half over and the time for doing stupid things was over. Well, mostly. Isabel and I were in our own apartment, I was single and LOVING it (seriously), life was good. I was working at my last nursing home job, and things were going.... well, I was showing up, working, and getting paid. That was about it. I was hated by all of my co-workers and every day was a desperate attempt to NOT just walk off the job and lose my license.
February
I got fired from my job and so began a series of events that would define my life forever. I wasn't even upset, it was a real turning point. Especially since they wrongfully terminated me, and I had no problem getting unemployment.
March
I started working at the same place as my Lovah, as a temp, and history was made! I'll always remember that the girl I was working with asked him for help, so he came over and helped. Then she took a break and said if I had any questions to ask him. Then I was naughty. I asked for help when I knew FULL well how to do it. I'm pretty damn sure that he also took way too long on purpose to help me. By the end of the day we made a date to meet up that night at the local bar, where I also met his parents! And we started on the path we're on now!
April
My relationship with my Lovah was growing at this point. We spent almost all of our spare time together! I also was realizing at this point that I couldn't afford my apartment anymore. Being jobless for a month hit me hard, and getting next to no child support made it worse, then also getting a huge pay cut when I did finally get a job was the final blow. So we made a decision.
May
I moved in with Lovah, and my Goob, my baby, my most favoritest person in the known and unknown universe turned 3. I got my current job at the nursing home, though it was night shift. Also, I started learning just how completely insane his ex is, which is completely insane. Not a sane cell in her crazy body.
June
This would be Loo's birthday month, and my future stepdaughter turned a wise 4. We started having fun with the kids, who really seemed to be bonding, and we started to really become a family!
July
My endo started causing problems again, and I made an appointment for Goob to see a behavioral specialist. This was met with a lot... a LOT of negativity. With the support of only my Lovah, I made a great decision to have her taken in. Then the excruciating wait for September began....
August
I was going through some stuff this month. I felt a lot of personal attacks on the way I raise my child from all ends. Between "wanting to drug my kid" and "being a terrible mom" and "being paranoid", I had just about had it. I felt fairly abandoned by everyone at this time, and it started a depression I'm still not quite out of yet. The one happy thing to happen all month was my Lovah asked me to marry him, and I said yes!
September
Goob got her appointment :D They started leaning more towards ADHD, but they wanted to be sure so they said to bring her back in four months. I found out a heart-breaking blow that my daughter is, mentally, about a year behind. Physically about 2 years ahead, though! She also started Head Start this month, and she was very excited to ride the school bus!
October
Halloween was a blast with the girls, and I found out this month that I got the day shift position at work! This was a very happy, exciting time for us. A light at the end of the tunnel, that things could, and would, get better!
November
I adopted Liadan this month! And then our family felt more complete :) I also had another bad case of bitchitis. Which happens when I hear people whine about their problems that aren't really problems. Which happens a LOT!
December
I finally got on day shift!!! I became a normal person!!! I worked four days and then completely fucked up my knee, also. Dislocated my kneecap and sprained it. It was one of the top ten most painful experiences of my life. PROBABLY number 5 or so I'd say. Maybe. Definitely top ten material, though. It brought tears to my eyes. But I didn't swear or scream or black out, so probably the back half of the top ten. I digress. We spent our first Christmas together as a family, and the girls had tons of fun! We wrapped up the year on a high note. Minus both of us hurting ourselves at work. So like a middle note. But still good, though!
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